Effys Tough Love Redux
by mynameislizzie2
Summary: Just a short, painful revisit to the post Sophia days in Naomily's love affair. Totally AU and with some rather unsavoury herero imagery, so if that isn't for you, I understand. I just found this on my hard drive and thought I'd repost anyway. There is a happy ending of sorts though...
1. Chapter 1

Emily grinned maliciously at the inevitable pained expression on Naomi's face. Her so called partner was hovering just outside the circle of 'friends' Emily had surrounded herself with. Standing in her default position. Hugging herself miserably in that horrible 'desperately needs a wash' stripy granny jumper she seemed to have on every single day, her hair unwashed and with no make up to disguise her red rimmed eyes and pale complexion.

 _Punishment_...that was the only dish Emily served nowadays. There might be greasy burgers and fat sausages sizzling on the garden barbecue, entree to the inevitable booze, drugs and music to come. But Emily was only serving up family sized chunks of despair for Naomi to digest.

It had been 6 weeks now. 6 weeks in which they had traversed the slopes of the emotional mountain called betrayal in every way it was possible to do short of total breakup. After reluctantly moving back in after her initial tearful flight to her Dads, Emily had ignored, sneered at and castigated Naomi for every fault she possessed, and some she didn't ever since.

Naomi had taken it all. Consumed with guilt and remorse, she had meant every word of that stupid yellow card she'd left on the door. She really would 'do anything' to make it right.

But it wasn't working. Not even a little bit.

At first, Emily had demonstrated pure, cold anger. Then silence, avoidance of any sort of physical contact and bitter contempt. Attempts by the blonde to apologise were met by a sneer. Crying was greeted with indifference. Studied indifference granted, but to Naomi's red rimmed and flowing eyes, it was all the same. She begged, she pleaded and she promised, but _nothing_ worked.

After a week, Naomi stopped trying to sleep in the double bed with Emily. Each time she crept in late, praying her girlfriend was asleep, hoping to curl up beside her and, with just her body warmth, persuade the redhead to forgive, she was coldly rebuffed. In the end, Emily would just huff angrily, fix her with a cold stare and get out of bed herself, taking a pillow with her to the spare bedroom, leaving Naomi to sob alone.

So the blonde moved into the spare room herself. It was easier than bearing the icy response of Emily at first hand. They slept alone, one bitter, angry and unforgiving, the other tired and despairing. Naomi had no idea how long this would go on, she just knew it was killing her...inch by painful inch.

After three weeks, things had progressed, if thats the right word. Emily gave curt answers to Naomi's attempts at small talk, preferring to bury her head in her final year books and pretend to study. Well, at least when she wasn't out. Any Emily went out a lot...an _awful_ lot.

At first it was 'studying at my _friends_ house'. The emphasis on friend didn't escape Naomi. She was no longer classed as one of those. More a necessary evil...a sort of live in teenage landlady who cooked, cleaned and took no rent. Then it progressed to "Going out with _x_ or _y_...Don't wait up...its an all nighter again"

Naomi thought she had suffered up to now, but the thought of a freshly made up and revealingly clothed Emily out all night nearly drove her mad. She had no illusions about the attractiveness of her girlfriend. Gone was the timid, over made up bookworm, constantly overshadowed by her sluttier, bolder sister. Now she was confident about her looks, her appeal to members of both sex's. She was hot...and Naomi tortured herself nightly about what Emily was up to and with who.

Emily didn't give her any clues when she got home, usually at silly o clock in the morning. She might look trashed, stoned and slur her words, but no obvious signs of sexual activity could be seen. Naomi consoled herself with the tiny miserable thought that perhaps Emily was just spreading her wings, not her legs, punishing Naomi by staying out all night, dancing, drinking...but not taking the final, terrible step of cheating..

That was until Mandy turned up. A tall, Asian looking girl with a confident look about her and a preference for not wearing a bra under her silky dresses. Not that Naomi spent a lot of time checking her out, but it was hard to avoid the unmistakeable movement of unfettered boobs under the succession of loose tops and dresses she wore. Naomi burned some more. An attractive 'friend' was just what she feared now.

"Just a friend Naomi'...like a _friend_ , OK?" Emily had replied to her timid question about their status. "Not all of us feel the need to shag the first attractive woman they meet..."

That hurt, as it was meant to. Sophia left a long shadow, despite her suicide. That stupid, thoughtless finger fuck on the carpet with the late Sophia Moore cost Naomi more than she thought she could ever repay.

So she accepted this Mandy for what she was represented as. But it felt an awful lot like she was being used as the housekeeper. Watching as Emily took extra care on her makeup and outfits before the doorbell rang and the 'friend' arrived to take Emily out. One night turned into two, then it was three times every week. Each time Emily came back late, giggling from the alcohol, smelling of a perfume she didn't own. The last time it happened, Naomi was sure that Emily's lips looked puffy...bruised. Like someone who'd been doing a lot of open mouthed kissing. With a someone who wasn't her.

She lost it then. Friend be fucked, this wasn't any kind of friendship she recognised.

She stopped Emily from escaping straight upstairs, knowing she would just disappear into the bathroom for half an hour, emerging showered and wearing the long night time tee she kept under her pillow. Teeth scrubbed and any evidence of infidelity rinsed away. She had to _know_.

"Emily...please" she said weakly, hating the way her voice broke on the last word. "I'm not asking for your forgiveness...I know I don't deserve that. But I don't deserve this either. You're seeing that Mandy...its obvious you're not just friends. You can't do that and still come back here every night, treating me like I don't matter at all...I'm your _girlfriend_ "

There was a few moments silence before Emily answered. Just for a second Naomi saw something else but hatred and contempt in Emily's eyes, unease?. But then it was gone and they hardened again.

"Bit late to play the jealous partner Naoms?" Emily's lip curled. "Should have thought about that when you were going down on the dead girl..."

Naomi flinched visibly at the brutal words. She knew she deserved the rebuke, and for a moment, considered telling Emily that it wasn't _like_ that...had never been like that. There had been no languorous mutual oral sex, no whispered words of love and passion during her encounter with Sophia. More a desperate attempt to prove to herself she wasn't trapped...that it wasn't just Emily who could make her feel like that. But after she'd made the other girl come with stiff fingers and hard kisses, she'd ushered her out of the house like the guilty secret she was. She'd scrubbed herself and any surface they might have come into contact with obsessively afterwards, terrified that Emily would detect the infidelity just by smell alone. She'd been wrong, of course. It took a public suicide and and a strange, overprotective older brother to bring the whole thing crashing into their lives.

But telling Emily that would do no good. She knew it. So she settled for more pleading.

"We can't go on like this...you acting like you're single, seeing someone else, then sleeping here, in my house...we just can't"

She ended with a sob. She didn't have any other weapons, any other arguments. She was weak, tired and just about out of hope.

Again a short silence, while Emily regarding her stonily.

"Fine...I'll move out then...Mandy has a spare room. Her mum likes me...I'll get my stuff ready in the morning and..."

" _NO_!" Naomi almost shouted. That wasn't what she wanted at all. She knew with a cold dread that if Emily did move out, that was it. There would be no happy ending for her. She couldn't allow that to happen. She found herself lurching forward, taking Emily's hand in hers and weeping uncontrollably.

"No...I don't want that...please Ems...I just want..."

"What?" Emily said flatly, pulling her hand away from Naomi's with something like disgust. "Forgiveness...is that what you want"

"Yes...I want you to forgive me. I love you...always have, always will. Life without you is pointless...if you go...I'd..."

"No!" This time Emily almost shouted "You don't get to play _that_ card Naomi. Didn't help Sophia much did it?" she finished stonily.

At that second Naomi realised that she might never be forgiven. At one time the thought of a world without her in it would have shattered Emily. But not now, apparently. Her stomach lurched with the small amount of alcohol she had allowed herself this evening. She knew she was seconds away from losing the contents.

"Ems, please" she begged "Stay here...I won't complain, I promise...just...stay"

Emily gave her a short nod and pushed past her on her way to the stairs. Naomi caught the distinct whiff of a foreign perfume as she did. It was enough to finish her...she lurched towards the kitchen. The sink would have to do...

XXX

And now she was standing in her own garden, hosting a barbecue she hadn't even arranged, watching her supposed 'girlfriend' flit from one crowd of complete strangers to another. Pouring drinks, touching arms. Laughing at jokes. Generally fucking with her head whilst appearing to be the perfect partner.

Naomi saw the surreptitious passing of a small wrap of silver foil from one long haired dark skinned guy to Emily as she topped up his glass with neat vodka. She saw Emily down whatever tablet it was in one quick move and whisper something into the dread locked guy's ear. His face opened in a wide grin and he ogled Emily's tits as she leaned over him. She was wearing that tight black singlet she used to wear to turn Naomi on. Only this time there was no bra underneath it. Naomi could see Emily's nipples standing out against the taut material. Words formed in the blondes head, words she would never articulate.

"Emily...stop that...you're gay for fucks sake...he thinks you're putting him on a promise...what are you doing?"

Instead she bit her lip and looked miserably down into the half empty vodka glass in her hand. She didn't seem able to get pissed nowadays. Just went from cold sobriety to unconsciousness without any sign of pleasure. When she looked up again, Emily was whispering in the guys ear again, looking brazenly at her while she did. Naomi's stomach lurched again when the guy reached down and squeezed Emilys arse in his big hand. What the fuck was she doing? He was a total stranger...just some random who'd appeared at the party with a crowd of people she only vaguely recognised from Roundview. People they had never bothered with up to now. Emily was letting this cunt feel her up, right there, in front of her...

Emily eventually detached herself from the guys groping hands with a light laugh and, giving Naomi a triumphant smile, necked the remaining vodka in her glass. She held it out towards the blonde silently, arrogantly.

Great, Naomi thought, now I'm the fucking waitress. She moved over to the trestle table beside the grill and pulled another fresh bottle of vodka from the cardboard carrying case on it. Fuck knows who had bought it all, there must have been a hundred quids worth of booze. Nicked, probably, from some wine warehouse. If Cook had still been out, instead of languishing in Wandsworth Prison as he was, she would have guessed it would be his sort of party gift. But he was currently 'enjoying' life in a 8x6 cell and vodka would be in short supply for the next couple of years in the Cook universe.

She twisted the cap off and went to walk over to where Emily was still holding out her empty glass. Just as she did, the bottle was taken from her hand by someone who had appeared beside her. The " _Oi_ " in her throat died when she saw who it was.

Effy Stonem.

Effy smiled thinly at her and, removing the arm of some leather jacketed acolyte from around her waist, looked first at Emily, then back at her.

"Still punishing you then?" Effy said, so quietly, only Naomi heard it. She nodded at the slim brunette miserably. Fresh tears, which were always close to being spilled, brimming in her eyes.

"I think enough's enough" Effy said flatly "This is getting a bit fucking old to be honest"

Emily was looking at them strangely. The arm holding out the glass was now pointing downwards, drips of clear liquid disappearing into the scrubby lawn.

"Emily" Effy said brightly "Long time no see...how come I didn't get an invitation?"

Emily smiled thinly, but her eyes remained wary. Her sister might have been the one hit by a rock, but it seemed she retained a healthy respect for the waif like girl in front of her all the same.

"Since when did you need one Eff?" she said, raising an eyebrow.

"Quite right" Effy smirked "Never been necessary"

She held out the vodka towards Emily, who walked the three steps needed to reach it. If psychological warfare had been declared, Effy had just made the enemy come to her. The redhead took the bottle and stood awkwardly, waiting.

"Looks like Naomi's paid her dues Em...I think she's had enough of this shit" Effy said quietly.

Emily's eyes flashed then .

"Actually none of your fucking business Effy...this is between me and... _her_ " she pointed at the now quietly crying Naomi.

"No...I think its a bit of an unequal fight now, don't you?" Effy said firmly "I think your guests are getting restless without their hostess. Best you get back to Bob Marley over there, he looks like his hard on is ready for you now. I just hope you know what you're doing little Fitch...if you smash all the china in the shop, there's nothing left to eat on" she finished in her usual oblique way.

Emily's fists clenched, but her hard stare was returned in spades. Eventually the petite redhead dropped her eyes, taking one last look at Naomi before speaking.

"Fine...she's your problem now then. See ya"

She spun on her heel and walked back to the crowd of guys behind her. When she got there, the tall guy with the dirty hair circled her waist with a possessive arm.

Naomi looked at them with undisguised misery.

"She's fucking gay Eff...what is she _doing_?..." she whispered, almost to herself. For one millisecond she almost wished Mandy was here, she could at least understand _that_.

"She's proving a point Naomi" Effy replied "JJ said Emily once said she's lots of things...just before she gave him that pity shag..."

Naomi's wince made Effy feel bad for a second...but she'd made her point. Emily was trying and succeeding in provoking a response from Naomi...the sex of the potential suitor was irrelevant.

"Come on..." Effy said shortly, turning to the random behind her who'd been standing there dumbly while the little drama played out. "You're giving me and Naomi a lift back to mine. I think she needs a little holiday from this bollocks"

The guy grumbled but waited obediently whilst Naomi and Effy bagged up some clothes from the bedroom. When they came back downstairs, they could hear raucous laughter from the garden. It didn't look like their exit had spoiled the party. Naomi went to speak, but Effy propelled her to the door without letting her. It was only when they were in the guys battered Mini, driving over to Effys place that she broke the silence.

"You need a rest from that shit Naomi. And Emily needs to learn a lesson of her own. Using some random guy to make your girlfriend jealous is one thing, ritual humiliation is another. We need to talk...or rather, I need to...and you need to listen"

Not another word was spoken on the journey.


	2. Chapter 2

Emily

She turned stiffly over in bed with a pitiful moan at a thunderous _thud_ that went through her hungover head at the sudden movement. There was that brief, heavenly moment you get when the world stays an abstract thing. When the bed stopped spinning wildly and her mind hadn't caught up with her body. Then it hit again...boom. The blood coursing through her head seemed to contain tiny hand grenades, timed to explode in step with her pulse. Boom...Boom...Boom.

She groaned again and her throat joined in the masochism. Her voice, always husky, was virtually absent. Her mouth felt like a mouse had taken a dump in it...and what the _fuck_ was gumming up her eye? She opened the other bleary orb, to see the passive green display of the digital alarm opposite.

06.30, it said. Thin dawn light was just peeking through the bedroom curtains and she narrowed her good eye, giving her suffering head time to adjust to the weak sun. She groaned again...fuck, _what_ had she drunk last night...it tasted like...

Just that tiny conscious thought was enough. Memory...harsh, unforgiving memory rushed in to occupy the blank spaces in her head.

Drink...lots and lots of drink, beer, vodka...that fucking jaegermeister at the end...before...she shivered violently, preferring to concentrate on something, _anything_ else...then pills...at least two small, yellow pills with cute little bunnies stamped on them. Lots of noise, music, the greasy smell of under-cooked supermarket burgers...and Mac...oh yeah, Mac. The attempt at memory suppression failed miserably, as she knew it would. The guy with the dreadlocks she'd teased all afternoon with her unfettered tits and sly smiles...him of the coffee coloured skin and big hands... _shit_.

That's when her stomach joined the dawn chorus. It roiled, like a live thing. Suddenly she knew what the foul taste in her mouth was...why her thighs were sore and stiff...why the ache between them now pulsed and stabbed like a separate pulse .

She'd fucked him...no, that wasn't at all right. He'd fucked _her_. Hard.

After hours of her unsubtle teasing. Sitting on his lap being fed beer and tablets, letting him cup her tits when no one was watching, rubbing her arse on his bulge...even _after_ her so called girlfriend, whom she'd tormented relentlessly with her flirting, had pissed off with that interfering cunt Stonem, she carried on letting him think he was going to get to fuck her.

But she'd miscalculated. One too many beers, one too many ecstasy tablets. He wasn't a guy used to being led on. So when she'd left his lap sometime after nine, giggling at the dirty jokes he'd continually whispered in her ear, wobbling upstairs on legs suddenly reluctant to tread a straight line, she didn't notice him following till he slid his arms round her as she got to the top of the stairs.

She tried to reason with him, tried to pass off the flirting as nothing but innocent. She even told him she was gay...as the proverbial window in fact. But alone at the door to Naomi's bedroom, the one her estranged girlfriend now slept in because Emily refused to let her share the double bed, he wasn't listening to her protests. Not any more.

She could hear the party continuing downstairs. Girls shrieking as boys kissed and goosed them in their drunkenness. Bottles clinking against glasses, liquid being spilled on carpets, the music changing abruptly as someone got bored with Lady Gaga and replaced the CD with something harder, deeper. The bass got turned up and the house reverberated to Dizzy Rascal. A house full of virtual strangers.

He cupped her small breasts from behind, cupped and squeezed them possessively. She tried humour, tried to reason with him. She could feel his erection pushing into her arse, bigger, much bigger than thought it would be. This was no virginal JJ...compliant, passive, while she arranged things to her satisfaction. No nervous newbie for her to sit on, dictating the pace and penetration. This was a man. Older by 3 years at least. Suddenly the flirty looks, the teasing touches she had given him while her suffering girlfriend watched her play act with hollow, miserable eyes demanded payment in return. Suddenly she knew this guy wasn't going to take no for an answer.

She remembered pleading softly as he guided her firmly into Naomi's bedroom, kissing her protests away. Remembered seeing her girlfriends glasses on the bedside table where she'd left them, next to the history course books. Remembered his dark eyes, flushed with alcohol and desire, not leaving her face as he brushed her objections aside, along with the buttons of her jeans.

"Mac... _Mac_ " she whispered, desperate to get through to him, "I'm gay...I don't want to...I _can't_...please...?"

But it turned out she could.

He stripped her with the efficiency of the natural seducer as she swayed, still buzzing with the drugs and alcohol. Then, kneeling over her as she lay back obediently on the single bed. He didn't hurt her, well, not at first. Didn't threaten her...just carried on relentlessly, cupping her breasts and thumbing her unresponsive nipples. Kissing her neck wetly as he fumbled with his own belt. Not stripping himself, just freeing his erection and pulling her hand between their bodies, making her stroke him.

"No more teasing Emily...you've been asking for _this_ all night"

"Too big...Christ, _no_ " she gasped. She was terrified he would literally split her in half. She'd never...she couldn't... Her hand barely fitted around its girth.

"No problem babe" he said quietly..."Just need to get you...wet and ….juicy for it"

When his head moved downwards, pausing just to give each of her soft nipples a cursory suck, she struggled briefly, but his big hands pinned her arms to her sides.

"Good girl" he rasped as cold fear overcame her resistance. She literally froze as he parted her thighs and then she felt the thick tendrils of his dreadlocks fall across her bare thighs. His tongue was rough and clumsy on her, not like N...not like before, with anyone else... His fingers thick and equally crude as he spread her open for his tongue to invade . As he worked on her she looked fixedly at the ceiling, willing it to be over. A single tear brimmed and fell from her eye.

But he took his time, knowing that she had surrendered to him now. When he thought she was wet enough, never mind that the lubrication was all his, he moved back up her body, pushing her legs obscenely wide.

She felt his tip at her sex and moaned in fright. Not in pleasure, but fear. She'd never had anything this big inside her, even when she and Naomi had experimented with.….toys and stuff, before...before the dead girl and the miserable abstinence that followed.

His eyes held hers as he positioned himself carefully at her entrance and started to inch inwards. She thought he would hurt her badly in there, break something, her eyes watering as he gradually sawed deeper, but her body somehow treacherously accommodated him. Painfully, reluctantly but inexorably he was eventually all the way in her. She gasped as he began to move again. He felt as big as a house in there.

He raised her thighs until he was comfortable, then closed his eyes. As he slowly thrust inside her, she closed her own in mute acceptance. The sounds of the party faded as her mind shut off. Just the squeak of the bed springs, rhythmic, relentless and his heavy breathing in her ear.

She thought maybe she could just endure it. If he was quick, if he just got off fast, then got off _her_ , but the rising panic in her throat burst free, despite her determination to lie quietly.

"Please?" she groaned. She meant please stop...please finish...please end this, but he was beyond listening by then.

"Oh yeah...you _like_ that, don't you" he groaned, mistaking her protest for eagerness. "Bet your skinny girlfriend doesn't get you this excited, does she?...bet she doesn't fill you up like this"

She bit her bottom lip so hard, the coppery taste of her own blood filled her mouth, but still he rode her relentlessly. As he began to speed up, the bed protesting noisily as he hammered at her, her hands came up defensively, gripping his bare sides and pushing backwards. Again, he mistook the signals, lost in her cloying heat.

" _Fuck_ , you little bitch...you really _love_ it don't you...not really a dyke, are you?...Just needed a nice hard cock to get you going..."

Suddenly, through the cold despair that gripped her, she saw her answer to this nightmare. If he thought she was into this, was enjoying his violation of her body...maybe this could all be over sooner.

Her mind rebelled, even as her mouth opened to encourage him.

"Yeah...thats right... _fuck_ me Mac...make me come with your big cock...harder, faster...more"

She bucked upwards, clawing at his back and squeezing him internally, despite the pain.

He almost whined as she carried on for long seconds verbally goading him. His hips pumped faster and faster until finally she felt his back arch and spasm. Finally, she thought...it can be over.

But he had one last fantasy to fulfill. As his mouth opened to yell his release, he pulled quickly free of her body, making her jerk in pain as he left her cunt, ripping off the condom she never saw him put on, he held himself and her head in his hands, pulling her mouth closer to his glistening erection.

"Take it then..." he grunted. Her eyes widened as she realised what he was asking. Her head jerked back, away. She clamped her mouth closed a fraction of a second too late to stop some of his...stuff entering. Warmth and stickiness covered her face and lips. She coughed wretchedly as she registered the foul taste of his ejaculation. Her head stayed turned to one side, eyes and mouth squeezed shut, but he was finished anyway, dropping down panting beside her, still clutching himself. It was over.

She lay there for a few seconds, on her back, knees drawn up, stunned and already aching as he quickly pulled up his trousers beside the bed.

"Great fuck little Em" he laughed as she regarded him with empty eyes "Let me know next time you fancy a cock diet instead of muff...for a lesbian you did pretty good"

Then he was gone.

She cried bitterly then, and at first pulled the thin top sheet over herself as she heard laughing him downstairs. She couldn't hear the words, but the raucous cheer and the fleshy sounds of high fives was easily discernible. The bastard was boasting about shagging her...the little lesbian who wanted to teach her girlfriend a lesson, taught her own lesson instead.

She just had the strength to get up, wobble to the door and lock it, pulling a straight backed chair under the handle, before staggering back to bed pulling the sheet over herself again and losing consciousness.

And now it was morning...

She managed to get to the bathroom just before the contents of her stomach ejected itself noisily into the sink. She turned on the shower and, while she waited for it to run hot, scrubbed her teeth obsessively with her electric toothbrush, again and again. It was no good, even swallowing neat mouthwash didn't obliterate the taste, the memory of what she'd allowed him to do. Ten, fifteen minutes in the hot shower similarly failed to cleanse her body. She only got out when it ran ice cold. She dressed like an automaton, stiffly, uncaring what she wore, just as long as it wasn't what she had on yesterday. Those clothes she bundled up carelessly into a small ball of material. They'd have to be burned, obliterated. She walked downstairs slowly, the ache between her legs flaring again as she negotiated the abandoned bottles and glasses all around.

When she got to the hall, she gazed fearfully into each room as she passed, anxious in case anyone was left who might recognise her. But apart from the stale stench of beer and tobacco, the place was deserted. Wrecked, ruined, but deserted. She saw someone had been sick on the couch. The regurgitated alcohol smell made her gag again. Another pool of ugly vomit laid on the kitchen table among the smeared glasses and half empty spirit bottles. It felt like her house...no, _Naomi's_ house...had been violated just as decisively as she had been.

Fresh guilt swept over her.

A sob rose in her throat, but she suppressed it. She had no _right_ to be hurt, upset. It was all her fault. He hadn't raped her, not really...she'd led him on, made him think she was up for it. And even when he was doing it to her, it was as if she was allowing him to punish her. She had no idea what she was going to do now. Naomi had cheated on her...but not like _this_ , not in full public view, not with a house full of strangers. Who was the bad guy in their fucked up relationship now?

Her mind drifted aimlessly as she listlessly picked up a few stray abandoned bottles and cleared a space on the one remaining clean piece of furniture, the occasional chair which Naomi had claimed as her own, back in the days when they were sailing on that delirious first love cloud, sitting night after night with her course books, trying not to stare at her while she gazed doe eyed back. _That_ chair.

As she curled in on herself, closing her eyes, blocking out the room with all its trashed, stinking clutter, she felt a buzzing under the cushion behind her. She reached under herself and tugged out the offending object.

Cosmic. Her phone. At least it hadn't been stolen, she rationalised.

' _Mandy_ ' the caller identity blinked, together with a picture of the tall brunette. Emily swiftly blocked the connection before checking her call history. There was no way she was ready to pretend. Even if it was to someone she didn't really care about. That thought made another surge of guilt blaze through her. Another person she was leading on. Hurting.

 _Mandy_

 _Mandy_

 _Mandy_

 _Mandy_

 _Mandy_

 _Mandy_

 _Mandy_

Texts and calls, for most of the hours of yesterday afternoon and last night.

The last text was an angry one.

" _I've just been told you hooked up with some random guy at the party **WHAT THE** **FUCK EMS**? Apparently the whole crowd heard you shagging him upstairs. Call me **NOW** "_

Emily grimaced, obviously the grapevine was working well. Mandy now knew her shame too. She inwardly braced herself to make a call to her pretend girlfriend...it wasn't something she relished. But in the meantime...

Not one call from the person who _always_ checked on her. Even when she was spinning drunkenly in some club at 3am, pissed and stoned, with an ever attentive Mandy whispering suggestively in her ear about toilets and ripped knickers, she always got a call or text. Just checking she was OK. Naomi had held up her side of the bargain. She really would do _anything_ to keep the flame alive...

But not this night.

Emily's stomach clenched tightly as she realised the one person she thought would forgive her anything...anything at all...hadn't phoned or texted. Not once.

Now she really _was_ alone...

XXX

Naomi

At the same time as Emily was crouching guiltily on the chair, looking bleakly at her call history, Naomi was waking up in a comfortable bed. In a room it took her several seconds to recognise. She had no hangover...for the first time in months she was waking sober. It was almost surreal. The clarity of the unfogged vision and unaching head felt wrong somehow. She was used to rolling around in bed for at least an hour before daring to stretch for the water and paracetamol, hiding her head under the covers until her bleary eyes could stand the daylight.

But not today.

The memory of where she was, and why she'd got there came quickly.

The party...Emily practicing hating her some more...then flirting with some random guy...no, not flirting, more than that. All over him, eerily reminiscent of her twin, back then, when Katie was trying for slut of the year... Then there was Effy, verbally slapping down her girlfriend and finally pulling her physically away from what would have been another night of ritual humiliation. She'd got used, if thats the right word, to Emily pulling that shit with randoms at parties by now. But it had always been girls, up to today. And up to today, she'd never actually believed that Emily would go through with what she was promising to do. Not really.

But with a _guy_? What the fuck? Nope, couldn't happen...could it?

Then, when Effy had got her home (Effy's mother inevitably absent...this time rehab seemed to be the reason) she'd been sat down on Effy's bed, her phone confiscated (because Effy knew, and so did Naomi, that she would give in and call the redhead at some point during the night)

….and got told a few home truths. One thing Elizabeth Stonem was good at was telling perceptive and sometimes painful truths. Maybe not about herself, but she had an almost preternatural ability to distill out bullshit and get to what people were really thinking, what they really wanted.

So she 'educated' Naomi about what was actually going on in Emily's head.

"This won't get better all on its own Naoms" she said, waiting while Naomi protested pointlessly. "Bullshit" she said succinctly "This isn't about you any more, haven't you realised that yet? Emily isn't really punishing you now, although it might feel like that if tonight is anything to go on...she's punishing herself for trusting you"

Naomi blinked at her blankly, punishing herself?

"Think about it. She has an overbearing and homophobic mother who she only recently escaped. She has an overbearing and up to recently at least, homophobic sister who still has a lot of influence on her life. She's used to being the underdog, the doormat. Then you come along with those big blue eyes and 'fuck the world and everyone in it' attitude, and she falls in love...and not just falls in love, but head over heels, _never be any one else to compare_ , love. With you"

"So she puts you on a pedestal, so fucking high you get dizzy and scared. So you do what we all do in that situation. You get vertigo, you get frightened and you do something which you think will prove to yourself that you're not hopelessly, helplessly in love with her too. You go and fuck some random"

Naomi swallowed hard and tried not to cry. There wasn't a damned word of what the brunette had just said she could disagree with, but fuck it hurt, hearing it like that.

Effy carried on relentlessly.

"But with your shit luck, the girl turns out to be a stalker and a fruitcake with her own identity issues. You deal her some powder to get her off your back and she does the one thing custom made to blow this whole thing out of the water...she offs herself in front of a hundred kids. Including you and Emily"

She paused and took a swig from the half bottle of vodka by the bed. Naomi eyed it with undisguised hunger, but Effy carefully slipped it into the bedside cabinet drawer, apologising with her eyes before speaking again.

"No babe, no more alcohol...at least not tonight"

"So Emily is abusing herself and _you_ because she hates the fact that the goddess she put on that pedestal turned out to have feet of clay. Princess Naomi is all too human and she fucked up spectacularly by screwing some girl off a train, therefore _no_ one is to be trusted. And thats a dangerous position to be in, right? Because if she can't trust _anyone_ , including herself, she might as well go out in a blaze of glory. Hence the randoms, this Mandy...who isn't a threat now hun, but she might well be soon...and now this Mac guy"

"B...but she's gay Eff...she wouldn't...not with a _man_ "

Effy shook her head firmly and Naomi's face fell even further.

"Not only would she...I suspect she has already babe. Remember JJ?"

Effy looked at her small wristwatch as if the emphasise the point that they'd been here for an hour already.

"That was different...we weren't properly together then and it was just a pity fuck, to get him to lose his virginity...that's all. Emily said it was shit" Naomi gabbled, desperate to make the distinction between then and now.

" _So_ not the point Naoms. I think she'll find out tonight that some guys are dangerous to lead on without delivering..."

Naomi jumped to her feet, spilling the glass of water she was holding onto the bedroom carpet.

"Then we have to go back NOW...stop it...I can't just let her get..." she cried.

"Raped?" Effy said sardonically "I don't think it will come to that hun. But think about it. She's a free woman, or thats what she thinks anyway. What would happen if you rushed back there and found them at it in the bedroom...do you think she would be all welcoming arms and forgiveness?. I think the dirty deed is done Naoms, she's probably fucked him by now"

Naomi shook her head, not trusting herself to answer. She knew it was true, but her mind immediately started to conjure up the most lurid and disgusting images, even as Effy continued.

"You need to send her a message...and I don't mean desperate voice-mails and texts asking for forgiveness. You tried that, it just gets thrown back at you, right?"

Again Naomi nodded, gulping down the lump in her throat.

"Stay here for a couple of days, get yourself straight. I'll go and see her tomorrow. See how things are. Don't text or phone her. It won't make things any better. She needs to understand that making you miserable isn't helping her deal with this shit. You two belong together, at least if she can learn to forgive...but if you go on like this...it _will_ be over, one way or another. Either she'll go off properly with this Mandy tart..." she waved away Naomi's attempt at protest "Which I don't _think_ will happen...or she'll finally forgive you and you can both start to pick up the pieces again"

"Do you think that will happen Eff?" Naomi cried softly "I really can't see a life for myself without her...I love her so fucking much"

Effy put her cool hand over Naomi's and smiled for the first time.

"I really hope so...but lets take one day at a time yeah? Get yourself into the shower...for once I agree with Katie fucking Fitch...you really _do_ look like microwaved shit at the moment...then come back here and we'll have a soppy girly night in, just you and me, some DVD's and sleep...I'm guessing you haven't had much of that lately?"

"Not much" Naomi admitted quietly "Too many nasty dreams"

"Well, this is now officially a dream free bedroom, so get yourself off to the bathroom now, I'll change the sheets while you're gone"

XXX

Naomi groaned as she remembered better the night before. She'd had the shower, long and hot, dressed herself in one of Effys ubiquitous long white bed tee's and snuggled up under the clean duvet while Effy had her own bath.

Half an hour later sitting side by side, with a half empty box of Thornton's stolen from Effy's mothers secret stash between them (avoiding the Russian vodka lying next to it) they watched 'Beaches' and cried like loons, passing tissues back and forth until the credits rolled.

Which was all fine and good, and therapeutic and healthy...but it didn't explain one important thing. Something which Naomi was slowly realising. She could hear the sound of soft breathing behind her as she lay on her side, looking at the curtains blowing gently in the morning breeze from the bedroom window.

It was just...why the fuck was she naked...and why was the smooth back which was pressing against her skin also uncovered.

She hadn't...had she?


	3. Chapter 3

Naomi

I turned over in bed incredibly slowly, trying to get my brain to block out the thought that as a reward from rescuing me from utter misery, I'd used Effy to cheat on Emily yet again.

Her breathing stayed regular and even, but I knew enough about the mysterious being called Elizabeth Stonem by now to know that meant nothing. She was perfectly capable of playing dead (OK, asleep) to catch me out. But as I rolled over, facing her back, I started to believe she actually _was_ sound asleep. I just hoped it wasn't the sleep of the terminally fucked. There was no familiar...well unfamiliar lately...but anyhow, reasonably familiar ache between my legs. No sensation of bruised lips, chafed nipples or the scent of sex in the air. But still, we were naked, and I knew for a fact we had gone to bed, and gone to sleep, clothed. What the actual fuck?

I must be stupider than even Emily thinks, because just then a voice from the tousled head buried in the pillow next to me spoke.

"The answer is no...we didn't"

"Wh...what?" I said nervously "We didn't what?"

"Fuck" she said flatly "That IS what you're worried about Naomi, isn't it?"

It was, but I wasn't about to admit it, was I?

"Never thought it for a minute" I said limply...like lying to E Stonem was ever gonna work.

"Right" she said, turning over to face me at last. I didn't want to...I swear it, but the sight of a naked Effy right there in front of me was too much to resist. My eyes disobeyed the strict instructions of my brain and scanned the naked flesh in front of me. Even I, in my post Emily self abusing state, could admire the slim, pale body I could now see in all its glory. The sheet had slipped down so I could admire her small conical breasts and smooth flat stomach. I gulped hard, trying hard to crank my eyes up to meet eyes which I knew would be regarding me with amusement, but it was a good 5 seconds before I could do it.

Sure enough, the smirk was there, along with the eyes.

"You did _want_ to though...about 2 am I think it was, when you woke me up, mumbling something about fucking my brains out"

I stared at her in horror...I hadn't...had I?

"Fuck off" I muttered weakly "I didn't...I wouldn't"

"Oh you did Naoms" she grinned artfully, making no attempt whatsoever to cover up her assets. Something she surely knew was distracting the hell out of me.

I blinked at her blasé attitude. She had been good enough to put me up, rescue me from the hell called Alfred Road and how did I repay her? By trying to fuck her in the night. Classy, Naomi, I thought miserably, really classy.

She must have read my facial expression with her normal annoying perception, because she obviously decided to take pity on me.

"Relax...we didn't Naoms. Not that it wasn't tempting, having you take off my tee and snuggle right in there. Nice tits by the way, firm but yielding"

I reddened and gripped the sheet tighter round me. What the fuck had I been thinking. I didn't remember a thi...oh fuck, that _dream_ , it wasn't a dream, was it?

The dream, now coming back to me in vivid colour. The one where I was on a beach with Ems, doing all sorts of filthy things to her. That dream.

"It was flattering at first, you wanting to 'screw me unconscious', as you so delicately put it...but when you started calling me Emily and asked me to do that 'special thing' with my tongue you loved so much, I sort of got the impression you weren't 100% into me. More a tiny redhead not a million miles from here"

"I'm so sorry Eff..." I started before she interrupted again.

"Apology not required babe" she laughed "To be honest, if you'd been conscious...and not the girlfriend of my other friend...I might have let you carry on. I haven't been with a woman since Tony decided I should shag Michelle, just to complete her education two years ago"

My mouth hung open at THAT revelation. I had always thought that Effy had dabbled. She'd always been so OK about me and Ems getting it on and admitted at a party once, when she was totally monged that she'd tried the power of the pussy when she was younger, before going back to cock. But _Michelle_...her older brothers girlfriend?

She giggled at my expression.

"Don't look so shocked Naoms, Tony always was right on the edge when it came to sex. Didn't you know about him blowing Maxxie in Russia that time when they shared a room?"

I didn't, but it wasn't totally surprising I suppose, he always was a pretty boy and so was Maxxie. Boys will be boys, I suppose, but Michelle?

"It was just the once. We both had fun,although at one point I had to get up and lock the bedroom door. Shagging Michelle is one thing...having your brother watch you while you do it is a bit much, even for me"

I blew out a long breath. Relief competed with embarrassment now. At least she knew I wasn't actually trying to get off with her in the night. But still, acute wishing for this all to go away was top of the agenda.

"Relax Naoms, like I said, flattering, but not really what you need right now. In fact, right now, I need a shower. I might be a little while...being groped in the night always leaves me with a small problem in the morning. I might need some self help while I'm washing away my sins"

With that, she pulled the sheet completely off her and stretched her arms above her head, giving me an even closer look at those cute tits. I could feel my face colouring yet again. She grinned a my utter failure to stop checking her out.

"You might want to make the most of the next 15 minutes...I have a feeling that dream needs closing off hun" she grinned, sliding out of bed, giving me a tantalising glimpse of the small, neatly trimmed triangle between her legs. I felt the throb between my own thighs just as she reached the bedroom door. She spun round and chuckled at my goggling.

"Fifteen minutes...right" she smirked.

I fell back on the pillow after she'd gone, calling myself every stupid name I could think of. Bitch, I thought without malice...what was she on about. All that fifteen minute shi...

Oh God...of course. She was giving me time to...

I couldn't. I really couldn't...

I did of course. Masturbation was something else I hadn't got any of recently. It must have been 6 weeks or more since I tried it. Ever since Emily had found out about Sophia, every attempt to give myself pleasure had failed miserably. My sole fantasy portfolio since the day Ems and I had got together properly had been her. She might look innocent, but she was definitely the filthiest person I had ever slept with. Not that there have been that many. 4 guys, not one of which got me off and the sole, sterile finger fuck with Sophia. That was it. But it never mattered. Emily would, and did do anything I wanted. Dressing up, role play, mutual masturbation, toys...you name it, she was up for it. So whenever I wanted to rub one out, say on a weekend when she was forced to spend time with her sister or family, her face was the one I imagined when I got myself off. Which ended up being a bit restricting when I cheated on her and the only image my fucked up brain could conjure up was her anguished face on that car park rooftop, leafing through Sophia's drawings.

So no self abuse then...not for weeks.

But now...even with the sickening knowledge that Emily was probably still in bed with that fucker with dirty hair, I was horny enough to try.

Was it wrong that Effys tits also put in an appearance? I didn't think so, given the circumstances. I finished myself off with smooth, efficient strokes and hoarse cry. It felt good, but as the shower stopped running, I knew that was probably going to be the best moment of the day by a country mile...

XXX

Emily

I tried to keep a lid on it...I really did. But as I moved around the house, with rubber gloves and a bucket of soapy water, cleaning the detritus of that awful party away, I sobbed continually. No one phoned or knocked. Even Mandy left me alone. I think last night even sickened her beyond repair. I'd never actually promised her anything. I was telling the truth when I spat at JJ that I didn't want another relationship. They really did suck, but she deserved better than I was able to give her. But mostly it was me that sucked at it all. I'd built Naomi up into this impossibly pure image that she was only ever going to fail at being. She was human, just like me.

And just like me, she'd fucked up. Not as publicly, but just as explosively. I knew in my heart that I'd made more out of the cheating with Sophia than it actually was. She'd tried often enough to explain her reasons. Not that I'd ever give her the chance, of course. It was what it was, a desperate attempt by her to prove that she could exist outside the walls I'd erected around us. Emily and Naomi, Naomi and Emily. Us against the world. Against my mother, my sister, my claustrophobic home and my utter fear of being alone. All constructed to prevent me looking at our relationship objectively. We were 17, for fucks sake. No one gets lucky enough to have it all at that age, do they?

Maybe we _would_ spend the rest of our lives together, although last night probably put paid to any chance of that happening. But building a fantasy castle to live inside was childish, I knew that now.

I knew, even though only a few people here last night were from Roundview, that the grapevine would ensure Naomi heard all the gruesome details about me getting shagged by that guy. She would definitely not be able to forgive that, on top of the farce that was my relationship with Mandy. Naomi might have fucked up first, but I'd put the lid on our affair and welded the fucking thing shut, thats for sure.

Two hours later, I had just finished cleaning the final room, bagging up another dozen stinky beer bottles and hoovering the dirty carpet, when the doorbell went. I froze. Whoever it was, I didn't want to see them. Mandy definitely, Katie? No fucking thanks. If she'd heard about my little foray into hetero land, I'd never hear the end of it. Naomi? No. she had a key...it was her fucking house for Christ's sake.

Who then?

I edged towards the front window. The deja vu of this position, hiding in here, like when the postman was ogling my tits back when the world was rosy and full of love, didn't escape me.

Fuck, I recognised the profile. Just what I needed, Effy fucking Stonem. No doubt here to pick up more of Naomi's clothes and give me a bollocking as a bonus. I really didn't need THAT this morning.

Should have known better.

"You'd make a shit burglar Ems" she said, still looking at the front door "No wonder the postman got an eyeful"

Shit, how does she _KNOW_ these things? I thought bitterly.

Oh, well, I thought, lets get this over with. I put down the black bin bag and went to the front door, opening it to see her face smirking, inevitably. I stood aside to let her in. She turned when I'd closed the door and smirked again. I fucking _hate_ that look.

"Clearing up?" she said sarcastically

"No, I'm fucking baking a cake...look, what is it you want Eff...I'm tired and hungover...and..."

" Well fucked?" she said sharply and I winced at the brutality of that sentence. Here it comes, I thought.

"Listen Eff...I have no excuses, but then I don't need to give you any do I? Its not your business, is it?"

She nodded without answering, waiting for me to go on. Another annoying trait of hers.

I sighed. This really was not what I wanted to do now.

"Do you still love her?" she said apropos nothing at all.

I stared at her, thinking she was taking the piss. How did I answer that? Of course I still loved Naomi, but that was hardly the point was it. She'd cheated, I'd cheated, more than once if I was honest, in thought if not in deed, what was there to save?

"Yes" I said in a small voice I hardly recognised as mine "I still love her...but she won't love me...after she finds out what I've..."

"Shagged that tosser Mac?" she said helpfully

I lowered my eyes. Of course, she would just _know_ , wouldn't she?

"Yes" I said bleakly "She'll never forgive me for that"

Effy shook her head, as if trying to explain quantum physics to a bonobo.

"I'm surprised you two ever got together sometimes, you know Ems" she breezed "You both have the emotional range of a toaster. Thank God you found each other...no one else would put up with either of you for five minutes"

I should have been angry at her tone, but to be honest, I was too fucking tired.

"And your point is?" I almost whispered

"My point is, Emily, you could probably tag team the Archbishop of Canterbury and Ed Sheeran on College Green and that silly cow would still forgive you. She knows she fucked up spectacularly, but she's sorry, so sorry she's been putting up with the shit you've been feeding her for months. Isn't it about time you stopped punishing her, and more importantly _yourself_ and started to patch things up before its too late?"

"B...but how?" I mumbled, not quite believing my ears.

"I'm gonna sound like that lamo sitcom from decades ago...but I'm going to say this only once – _talk_ to her, she's got two tickets to Goa in her handbag. Been holding on to them for months, hoping you'd forgive her. Talk to her, pack your bags and go away for the rest of the year. By the time you get back, all this shit will be forgotten and you can begin your Uni courses a proper couple again. Life's too short Ems...talk to her"

I nodded. It was a chance, nothing more than that. But Goa? Really? What had I got to lose.

I took out my mobile phone and started to search for her speed dial. Effy placed her cool fingers over my trembling hand.

"No need...she's waiting round the corner, by that death trap you call a scooter. Go get your girl"

I took a deep breath and walked outside. The sun had just cleared the rooftops opposite. Naomi was standing there, doing that lip biting thing that was hard wired to my knickers. I started to walk towards her, but she didn't wait. She ran towards me, arms outstretched. As she folded me in her arms and we sobbed nonsense at each other, I saw Effy leaving us with a casual wave over her shoulder.

She said something as she passed. I didn't hear it properly, but it sounded suspiciously like "Mission accomplished"

Bitch.

Did I care? Not really, I had the one thing I treasured most in the world in my arms and nothing and no one was ever gonna take that away again...


End file.
